Today, I showed my English journal to my darling, I wanted to shared my thought to her because of trusting. But her reaction astonished me , “why not me in your first journal?” she said, what a amazing girl she was! she always gave me surprise.
Util now, she envy our son, Yesterday was father’s day, we went shopping in the evening, And she bought expensive clothes that’s suit me fine , I was so cheerful that day, After that, we went home, she said to me that I was worth owning its, and I was so moving to heard that.
That was my darling , I didn’t know how to describe her, just like little shining star in my life.
✍️ 优化后的版本
English Journal Sharing
Today, I showed my English journal to my wife. I wanted to share my thoughts with her because I trust her deeply, but her reaction surprised me.
*“Why wasn’t I in your first journal?"*she asked. What an amazing woman! She always finds ways to surprise me.
Even now, she playfully envies our son. Yesterday was Father’s Day – we went shopping in the evening, and she bought me expensive clothes that fit perfectly. I was overjoyed.
Later, as we returned home, she whispered:*“You deserve these."*Her words moved me deeply.
That’s my darling. I can’t fully describe her… she’s like a little shining star in my universe.
🔍 语法/表达修正详解
| 原文表达 | 问题分析 | 优化方案 |
|---|---|---|
| wanted to shared | 动词形式错误 | wanted to share |
| because of trusting | 中式表达 | because I trust her deeply |
| astonished me | 程度过重 | surprised me (更自然) |
| “why not me…” | 口语残缺 | “Why wasn’t I…” (完整问句) |
| envy her owne son | 语法混乱 | playfully envies our son |
| last day was father’s day | 时态/节日表达错误 | Yesterday was Father’s Day |
| expansive clothes | 用词错误 (expansive=扩张的) | expensive clothes |
| so cheerful | 程度不足 | overjoyed |
| said to me that | 冗余结构 | whispered / told me |
| worth owning its | 语意混乱 | deserve these |
| so moving to heard | 语法错误 | moved me deeply |
| didn’t know how | 时态错误 | can’t fully describe |
🌟 亮点保留与强化
-
比喻保留
原文：little shining star→优化：little shining star in my universe
(增加universe更显情感深度)
-
对话情感强化
- “Why wasn’t I…"→ 添加"asked"明确语气
- “You deserve these."→ 用"whispered"传递亲密感
-
节日场景升级
增加破折号强化节日关联：
“Father’s Day – we went shopping…”
📝 写作技巧建议
-
英语文化表达
- Father’s Day (节日名大写且用所有格)
- fit perfectly (代替suit fine更地道)
-
情感递进公式
普通表达 → 升级表达
happy → overjoyed
said → whispered
good wife → shining star
-
镜头感强化
增加画面细节：
”…clothes that fit perfectly”(试穿画面)
”…whispered as we returned home”(私语场景)